Anxiety patterns

You wake up and something already feels wrong before the day has given you a reason. It's not about anything. It's just there.

Something good happened. Within a few hours you've found the angle from which it could still go wrong.

Your body starts the anxiety response before your mind has identified what it's responding to — tight chest, shallow breathing, elevated heart rate.

You can construct negative scenarios in high resolution detail. Positive outcomes arrive as vague generalities. The difference in mental texture is consistent.

You're somewhere good. You know it's good. Part of you is already on the next thing, or running contingency plans for the thing after that.

A simple administrative task — an email, a phone call — has accumulated weight far beyond what the task is. The weight makes starting it harder, which increases the weight.

You apologise before anyone has indicated there's anything to apologise for. Not out of manners — to reduce the perceived probability of conflict.

A friend goes quiet for a few days. The silence generates detailed explanations about what you did before you have any information.

Doing something — anything — keeps the anxiety at a manageable level. Being unoccupied makes it louder. Rest is not restful.

The anxiety is most active when everything goes quiet at night. Thoughts that were manageable during the day are louder in the absence of something else to focus on.